I remember

I told myself that I’m gonna stop writing about you but here I am. 

I remember the time when we first met. I’ll always refer to you as “kamukha ni __” and that’s just it.

I don’t know how it started and I don’t know if it’s just me but I remember you always wanting to be noticed by me. You started texting me, calling me, asking me how my day went. You told me your secrets, your regrets, your struggles. Your stories made me realize that there is really no perfect life.  You, who is well-off. You, who have a complete family. You, being known as someone who always smiles, are actually going through something that I don’t think I could handle if I was in your place.

I remember you driving me home from work (because you were the reason why I had to stay longer) and I was telling you about the old man who keeps staring at me everytime I wait for puvs. That time you told me to call you if anything happens. That’s also the time when I realized that..

..you are starting to care. 

We click. Our personalities match. I’m funny, you’re funny. I get you, you get me. We really have similarities—family situations and stuff.

Sometimes we’d go out—most of the time, Saturday. The first Saturday that we went out was really spontaneous. I remember us driving around Lilac to find for restaurants that were still open since it was already 11pm. Obviously, we failed and ended up going to a drive-thru instead.

That night, I made a confession, not the one with “I like you” and stuff but something that I have been going through for a long time. It was about me getting attached easily. I told you to stop from constantly talking to me because I know myself too much that when I get used to talking to someone, that when I feel treated well, that when someone shows that he cares for me, it will be very hard for me to let go and I don’t think I can handle another letting go and moving on process. 

You didn’t say anything but I knew that you didn’t want to end it and I knew that I also wanted the same thing, the good company that we both enjoy.

Days passed and we’ve grown more and more comfortable with each other.

You’d drive me home even if it means twice of the distance that you drive when you’re going home from work, that was really sweet I must say. You’d even buy me a meal in that same drive-thru.

You never disrespected me. You were always a gentleman.

I know what we had was real. I know that your feelings was real. But it wasn’t meant to be.

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